Side B – Drops Of Shame

We’ll build our fortress
To keep them out
And in a world gone silent
I’ll be your sound

Meet me tonight here
I know we’re gonna run away
Leaving the old fear
Looking for a new place

I can feel a storm near
The dream won’t go away
So meet me tonight dear
And we’ll run into a new day

– Emma Hewitt –

Side B is more focused on my marriage to Flávia, my ex-wife. It’s kind of a long story that is interlaced with my first love.

We’ve also met online, if I’m not mistaken (my memory tends to fail me now) around New Years Eve through the good old ICQ, when we were around 13 or 14 I believe.
We became good friends fast and actually met offline, but because of the turmoil of my first love it didn’t work somehow. I was also too rebellious back then and didn’t take anything serious.

After many years we’ve met again and this time things seemed to go alright and my past trauma seemed far behind me. We’ve had fun, had many friends and spent a long time together. We’ve had our fair share of arguments about useless stuff such as religion (she’s a Methodist and I’m a Catholic), but after some time things seemed to settle down.

From all the girlfriends I’ve had she is the one I have to thank the most. She was there for me when my father was diagnosed and passed alway from lung cancer, she’s given birth to my most precious thing, my son. And she was there for me as well when my mother was also diagnosed and passed away because of cancer.

We’ve had our ups and downs as all couples do, but we were happy in general. We were a family.

Even after some terrible things that happened to me in Japan after our divorce, she was also trying to support me from afar.

In summary, this is more of a “thank you” post than a story telling one.

If I could go back in time I’d change many things I’ve said and done, oh, how many. I wasn’t even able to be there for her when her mother passed away and that breaks my heart.

I wish you the happiest days of your life, alongside Pedro and the man you choose to be with you. I really wish I could have been a better husband and father.

However, after what I did to you and what I’ve turned your life into I have nothing in my eyes except drops of shame.

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