There’s something cold and blank behind her smile
She’s standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
“You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away”
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself
Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
– Marilyn Manson –
Side B is about the rest of my family. From both my parents’ sides.
When I was little I used to be friends with my cousins from both sides of my family. I remember very tender moments and a lot of fun as well.
Unfortunately after I’ve got to my teenage years I felt I wasn’t part of the family anymore. Yeah, I was the rock n’ roll guy, with spikes and Iron Maiden t-shirts, but I was still a person who had feelings. So every time I went to my family’s house I was always with my earphones listening to something so no one would need to bother talking to me.
I have always been the black sheep, the one that makes lots of mistakes, the stubborn one. And that never changed a bit.
I’m always hearing “You never come after us. Why?”. Well, the answer is simple, I’m sick! And sick people, specially with depression tend to isolate themselves. I ask of you how many times have YOU called me and asked “John, I’ve heard you’re going through a though time. Do you want to talk?”. I never hear that and you know what? I’ve given up hearing it for a long time.
The only thing that kept me inside my family was my mother. After she was gone, John was no more part of the family.
I’ve made my share of mistakes and still do. There are no excuses for my mistakes, but I doubt anyone who points their fingers at me are perfect and flawless.
So, family. while you were too busy with your own lives, I was drowning in my broken mind and now it’s too late to go back. I’m gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. You don’t even need to lose your time to go cry at my funeral. Keep living your lives like I’ve never existed, like it has always been.
The exceptions I make are my aunt Mine (my mother’s sister) who I love very much and had always a caring word for me and my godfather who at least tried to help me after I’ve got to back to Brazil.
Money, my dear family, may buy you wonders, but they can’t cure a broken soul.
So now, while you feast and dance, I’ll be at the cradle of the forest.