Silent Circus

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but, God, I want to let it go

– Evanescence –

The best thing that happened in my life was the birth of my baby boy, Pedro. It was on October 11th, 2007 and I still remember how anxious I was, walking around from one side of the room to the other like crazy.

When the time came I thought it would take hours and hours of labour inside the surgery room, but it was actually pretty fast and as soon as I’ve blinked I was holding my son in my arms. It was a unique sensation, a feeling of wholeness, of completeness. I’ve never had a similar sensation before or after that moment.

I just wanted to keep registered here how happy my son has made me. How much joy he’s brought into this life of mine. Always happy, always shinning and full of energy, no matter what was the situation.

He is a very special child, those one in a million kind of children, who irradiate light and gentleness everywhere he goes. That’s why no matter where he is everyone likes him.

His face is identical to mine, like an exact copy. But the inside couldn’t be more different. I’m filled with darkness, hatred and anger; those sentiments that have no place inside his heart and never will. He is too good for that.

But unfortunately his father got very sick, to a point he can no longer function like a good father. I’ve got to a point of numbness that feels like my whole body has been under anesthesia.

My son, this is my most caring, gentle and joyful memory in life. You.

Now, I’ll just go back to my silent circus.


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