Today I’ve made a big mistake. I’ve created a fake Facebook account to check my ex Japanese girlfriend. I can’t describe the feelings I’ve had the minute I saw her picture there. Nad it tore my heart apart when I’ve seen the status “In a serious relationship”.
I know we’re not supposed to mess with the past, but sometimes our minds are fragile and succumb to this ravenous impulse of doing something. And that’s exactly what I did. The wound that was starting to heal teared opened again and my mind is a complete mess right now.
I have not more tears to cry, only this huge pain in my chest that resists to leave. And I curl in my bed wishing everything was different and I could go back in time, but it’s just a thought of a crazy person.
“It hurts to breathe. It hurts to live. I hate her, yet I do not think I can exist without her.”
– Charlotte Featherstone –
I should have left the past go and forget everything that once happened, even the good moments. I screwed up and now I’m stuck in this limbo without knowing what to do or how to feel.
All I know for sure is: You’re Not Here