Voices of a Distant Star

Once upon a time I’ve dreamed of star far above the sky. I wanted to reach them with my small fingers. I thought the sky was like the ocean, a place where many different kind of animals lived and I could swim with them.

Those days are gone now, the child has grown, the dream is gone.
Take me for example, I’m a grown up with no dreams left, no stars to try to reach and definitely no more will to swim across those “oceans”.

What happened to me (you wonder)?  These chaotic world got to me and it hit me hard, threw me to my knees and kicked me in the back.

Everything I touch is destroyed, everyone I care goes away, everyone I love can’t stand me much longer and my instinct of self-destruction is growing each passing day. I am toxic to everything and everyone and I can’t change that. Yesterday I had a glimpse of hope from someone I know for 16 years, but today the vicious cycle repeated again and she is no longer part of my life.

I will never be good enough and it makes me wanna die. I haven’t ended it all because I’m a coward and I lack the courage to do so, but this courage is building up everyday. I’m tired of pretending everything is alright, tired of faking smiles, tired of having no goal at all in my life.

I just wanted to hear the voices of a distant star.

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