Let’s all understand something first. Anyone can research about the physical and mental effects of depression on human brain. But one can only fully comprehend its magnitude and the collateral damage it inflicts by facing the “black beast” and looking into its morbid and dull eyes.
Here I write my personal considerations about the disease that’s called in Japan as “A cold of the heart”. Although it seems too poetic for a killing machine.
Depression, or The Black Beast
For this day, at least, I’m sane, and I’m writing, and that’s a glorious thing.
Excerpt From: Cheney, Terri. “Manic A Memoir”
There are some points that hugely differ depression from regular sorrow. The main ones to me are as follows:
It has an incredible capacity to kill
If depression should be human, it would probably be a damn freakin good hitman. It kills without mercy, pity or remorse.
It takes no consideration for age, sex, skin color, favorite music, or anything else for that matter. It simply consumes the mind and destroys the body as a consequence.
It disguises itself as something else
What’s more infuriating and disappointing than all the people who say things such “This is just a phase”, or “Everyone has bad moments”, or even “You should just work. It will make you feel better”?
That’s her, the black beast. Always hiding in the shadows like some immaterial uncanny creature taken from a lovecraftian book.
She disguises so well that most only take her for sorrow, sadness or another regular human feeling. And that’s the intention, consuming you as the whole world thinks you’re just sad.
There’s a difference between this and the first. This is actually a person deciding to take their own life.
Suicide, many might argue, is a selfish and terrible act. But is it really?
I am suicidal, but it’s been quite some time I don’t try anything.
While it looks selfish, only the person feeling it knows how much it tortures them or rips their soul apart. Believe me, we think and rethink of everything, everyone before getting to this point.
It is both right and wrong. It’s right because we’re the ones who feel the pain. And it’s also wrong, because almost always the pain eventually subsides and vanishes if you give it time.
The analogy of possession
I often think that depression looks very much like a demonic possession, at least the stages look very similar to me.
Infestation: it’s when it all begins. Some small changes on the surface of everything. Moods and feelings start to get a bit different. It’s here that it starts to spread through your life.
Oppression: here is where everything starts to get nasty. Just like a demonic possession, depression starts oppressing it’s victim. Huge behavioral changes, massive feeling of helplessness and specially the sense of hollowness. People around you start to get distant.
Possession: well, here it is that point. The point where everything changed and the black beast took over everything. Total hopelessness, difficulty getting up from bed, the body aches constantly, extreme pressure on the chest, disconnection from one’s self. There’s usually no one else around anymore at this stage.